Introducing 3 New Habits to Bring Love Back in Your Marriage

It felt like the rug was pulled right from under you. You never thought in 100 years he would have humiliated you this way. Count the positives, he is still with you. This is Huge, it means he still cares for you!

Stay the course! It is probably going to take lots of time.

After an affair is over, if you want to save your marriage, it is important that you feel love for your husband once again. If you have been working together to save it, then you can clearly say that beneath the pain of the affair, there are some long-lasting feelings of love.

If your love was a strong bond, sometimes even an affair is not strong enough to break it. If you both want to get back that 'lovin feeling', many others have and you can too!

You can also build a stronger relationship than in the past. You might think this is the last thing that could happen, but feeling in love again may take time and there must be change within your relationship.

In order for this revival of the marriage to work, you need to change some of the old negative habits, as well as some of the ones that have surfaced because of the affair.

What are the three new habits I promised to introduce?

1. Trust. Of course your sense of trust in your partner has been damaged, if not lost altogether, because secret things happened and might still be happening. You both need to develop a new rule or habit in your life - transparency. This means that you share what you are doing, where you're going and who you are meeting and why. This must become a strong habit, which both of you take up, to help heal the trust. If you are able to discuss and decide to do this, it is a great step in the right direction. Here is a quote from someone trying to work through the consequences of an affair. "Part of the problem why I am not able to put my husband's three-year affair behind me is that things still keep coming out". Transparency, coming clean 100% at the start would have prevented the hurt that is still happening now. "Things happened, with phone calls and things were said that I don't know about. I feel I have the right to know, and I probably should know".

We need to clear the air once and for all, do not allow secrets to slip out over time, because they drag the whole thing up again. Get the air clear and then keep it clear.

2. Handle conflicts better. Come on tell me how do you handle conflicts; screaming fits and/or silent treatments, someone walking out? If this is how you have treated disagreement in the past, or since the affair, you both need to find ways handle differences.

This does not mean that one side always has to give in, but certainly you have to listen and not repeat the usual comments. 'You are just like your mother,' 'that is just another lie.' These types of comment tell me that you are not listening and so not respecting what is being said by your partner, just throwing a remark that you expect will shut them up.

You are not the same person, it is OK to disagree, but creating an atmosphere of listening and trying to understand, can help rebuild the love. No one can feel a sense of love if they feel they are not respected, appreciated, or understood. Sometimes you simply have to say it, not just expect them to know.

Conflict resolution is a habit you need to develop your own way, but it needs to be a new way.

3. Don't Just talk - communicate. Couples often feel that the root of their problems is being unable to communicate. That may mean you can't say what you need, or your partner feels he is not listened to.

Perhaps conversation has failed, so that there is only a need for yes or no answers. That is not really communication.

Falling in love again, needs communication and good communication is a skill and a habit, which if you do not practice it can easily die.

So, turn off the radio at mealtimes, or replace it with music and practice the art of conversation. Walk together when you walk the dog, not miles apart both figuratively and in reality.

There will be better days, so hang in there. You can make it happen - together.

For wise advice and counsel, Jay recommends you try this link to save your marriage
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